Heart Issues

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I have been trying for several weeks to write a blog post. But my mind has been feeling overwhelmed by all the things that are going on in the world right now. Most days, instead of writing a blog, I click on my computer Solitaire. With our small rescued poodle snoozing in my lap, and the Australian Koolie puppy that we found last year napping beside me, I play several rounds of my favorite classic game.

The wind outside is blowing hard again, rattling the branches of the trees. There appears to be no end in sight to the record-breaking drought or the heat wave. Since the end of April, my phone has sounded twelve emergency fire evacuation alerts, as the largest uncontrolled wildfire in New Mexico’s history burns. Most of the fires are over 100 miles from our home. But one fire came within 40 miles, and another burned just 20 miles away. Our skies are often filled with smoke. I stepped outside one day, in the middle of the afternoon, and everything was tinted a bright red-orange. Not just the sky, but the whole outdoors glowed with an unearthly, fiery light. It was both beautiful and terrifying. I took some pictures with my phone, including the picture that I have posted at the top of this blog. But my phone’s camera could not capture the full, eerie effect.

Sometimes, when the fire alerts sound, I cry. I cry for all the people who have to evacuate yet again, for the poor animals, displaced from their habitat, for the ruined forests, and for the homes that are being destroyed. My husband and I have talked about what we will do if we have to evacuate. We agreed that we will just grab our three dogs, get in the truck, and go. Everything else is replaceable.

For so many years of my life, although I wanted to be informed about what was going on in the world, I could not watch or read any news reports. My PTSD was too easily triggered by things in the news. But now, thanks to several years of healing talk therapy, and the approximately 30 neurofeedback treatments that I had in 2017, I read or watch the news almost every day. Although my PTSD issues are rarely triggered now, I often end up with tears running down my face. The war in Ukraine. The drought. The fires. The horrific, evil shootings. I cry, and I pray. Sometimes I feel like my heart is breaking.

Last month, in the middle of April, I was bending over, cleaning the dogs, like I always do when I let them in after going outside. Suddenly I became very dizzy and I fainted. I fell all the way to the floor. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I exercise every day. I take health supplements. My diet is pretty good. I thought I was healthy. What happened, I wondered?

I noticed then that my heart seemed to be beating erratically from time to time. It felt like a fish was fluttering in my chest. I called my doctor’s office and made an appointment. She ordered a 48 hour cardiac Holter monitor. While wearing the monitor, I was supposed to tap it twice and write in a diary every time I noticed a heart arrhythmia. I tapped and recorded a total of 24 heart episodes during those 48 hours. Two of those episodes, just as I was about to get into bed on the second night, were very severe. They happened back to back, a couple of minutes apart. Those arrhythmias were so bad, I thought for a few minutes that my heart was never going to beat correctly again.

Years ago, when I was in nursing school, one of our instructors taught us that when a patient feels like their heart is misfiring, we should tell them to cough several times. Apparently, hard coughing can sometimes shock your heart back to its normal beat. I did that, when I was having the worst episodes. But even then, it took awhile for my heart to go back to normal. In retrospect, I should have called for an ambulance.

I removed the heart monitor at the end of the prescribed time and shipped it to an address in Arizona, where my 48 hour ECG would be read and compared with my written diary. It took awhile for my doctor to get the report. Finally, a nurse from my doctor’s office called. Long story short: I have an appointment to see a cardiologist on June 2. That’s four days from now.

Meanwhile, even with everything that’s going on, I am still writing in my memoir every day. I haven’t missed one day of writing my memoir since I began this particular draft, on September 7, 2018. Some days, I write hundreds of words. Some days, I only write a couple of sentences. But even if I only write my ‘mini habit’ goal of 25 words in a day, as long as I meet that goal, I don’t lose my momentum. I had no idea when I started this venture, that it would take me so long to write just one book! I hope and pray that I live long enough to write the whole thing, edit it, and get it published. But even if this does not happen, I have found that writing my life story has been worth the effort. The simple act of writing down my memories, both the good and the bad, has been very enlightening and healing.

My daughter, who lives in Washington State, is a licensed therapist. When I visited her home in the summer of 2017, she was so impressed by the changes she saw in me as a result of my neurofeedback treatments, that she became trained and licensed as a provider of NFT. Now, she is studying a form of therapy called LifeSpan Integration. She sent me the link to an article and video that explains what LI is all about. After reading the article and watching the video, I told my daughter that it seems quite similar to what I have been doing these past three and a half years, in the daily writing of my life story. I am integrating my memories! Some days the writing is hard, and some days it’s easy, depending on what part of my story I am working on. But always, I feel a sense of relief when my goal of writing for that day is done.

Here’s an example of one of my shorter daily memoir writings:

“Hey, look what I got,” Brad said as he walked through the door. I gasped when I saw what he had in his hands. It was a long barreled rifle.

I wrote those 30 words about ‘Brad’ (name is changed) and his rifle, back on December 1 of last year. I had to write this part of my story a few words at a time, over a period of several days. But I got it written!

And yaay, it looks like I have finally written a brand new blog post, for the first time in too many weeks. 😀

The picture below was taken on April 5 of this year. That’s me and my hubby, getting out of the house and going to lunch with some friends, for the first time in almost 2 years. This covid-19 pandemic has been a hard trial for everyone. My husband was treated for cancer last year, and his oncologist does not want us going out in public yet. But my hubby decided to make an exception for a high school friend who was driving through our town from New Jersey to the west coast. They hadn’t seen each other since they graduated in 1967! I have cut my husband’s friend and the friend’s wife out of the picture, since I don’t have their permission to share it on my blog. They are a great couple, and it was so much fun visiting with them.

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I am very grateful to all of my blogger friends, and to everyone who stops by and reads this rambling post. Thank you! God bless you! Here’s a great big grandma ((HUG)) if you want one. ❤

62 thoughts on “Heart Issues

  1. Bruce Cooper May 29, 2022 / 1:32 pm

    You’re in my prayers, Linda. One day at a time. Keep us posted! Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. CynthiaBaileyRug May 29, 2022 / 1:54 pm

    Will be praying for you! Sending hugs & love your way!

    Great picture of you two!!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Sue Cass May 29, 2022 / 2:09 pm

    It’s good to see you back in the blogging world. You aren’t alone, Linda, it just seems life gets harder with each passing day due all that is going on in this evil world. I know there are days that if it were not for the Lord’s strength I would curl up in a corner and just hide. Good for you for hanging in there with your writing each day. May our Great, Almighty Physician heal your heart issues and restore you back to health.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. atimetoshare.me May 29, 2022 / 2:25 pm

    Yay❤️❤️❤️ I’m so proud of you. It’s good to have you back in blogland. I think we both started about the same time. I’m so glad for the progress you’ve made during that time. It’s also good to see your face.. what a beautiful lady with gorgeous hair. Keep writing❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  5. seekingdivineperspective May 29, 2022 / 3:04 pm

    And here’s a Nana hug from me. 😊💕
    Loved the picture – you look great!
    Stay well and happy. I’m still hoping my sister and I can see you someday on one of our road trips.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee Adams/Lady Quixote May 29, 2022 / 3:10 pm

      Thank you, dear Annie! My grandchildren call me ‘Mammy’. But I figured that offering a Mammy hug might confuse people.

      I am saying a prayer right now that we will meet on one of your road trips. Oh, and I meant to email you for those recipes..

      Liked by 1 person

      • Blue Collar Theologian May 29, 2022 / 7:39 pm

        That’s so cute! When my brother was little, he called me “mammy” because he couldn’t say Mandy. What a blessing you are to me Momma Linda!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Linda Lee Adams/Lady Quixote May 29, 2022 / 10:50 pm

          How funny! When my first grandchild was learning to talk, her mom, my daughter, asked me what I wanted my granddaughter to call me. I had always called my maternal grandmother ‘Grammy,’ so I said I would like to be called Grammy, too. But when my granddaughter tried to say the word, it came out ‘Mammy.’ I was fine with that, so I have been Mammy ever since. Goodness… it’s hard to believe that the granddaughter who couldn’t say ‘Grammy,’ is now 30 years old. Time flies!

          You are a precious blessing to me, dearest Mandy. I’m sending extra love and hugs your way ❤

          Liked by 1 person

  6. Anna Waldherr May 29, 2022 / 3:28 pm

    God bless you, Linda. Whether you blog or not, you are not forgotten. Love, A. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  7. rubycommenting May 29, 2022 / 4:53 pm

    Linda it is wonderful to see a blog post from you again! You and your husband look great in the photo and look at how beautiful you look with all of that hair! I’m really sorry that a holter monitor was necessary. I’m praying that your heart becomes fully well, 100% again. That’s right, you, your husband, and your dogs. Everything else is replaceable. What about photographs? ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    • Linda Lee Adams/Lady Quixote May 29, 2022 / 5:05 pm

      Thank you so much, dear Ruby. You are such a blessing.

      I thought about photographs, after I wrote that everything else is replaceable. I have most of our photos saved on DVDs, which I am keeping in a bag next to my purse. In addition to the dogs, I will grab my purse, because the truck key and my driver’s license is in there. I can grab the bag of DVDs at the same time. But if for some reason, I can’t get them… well, I have a lot of pictures saved online, along with the pages that I have written so far in my memoir. The important thing would be to get out alive. I’m praying it doesn’t come to that, though!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. @preacherbiker May 29, 2022 / 7:27 pm

    I LOVE YOU!!!!!

    Liked by 3 people

  9. granonine May 29, 2022 / 8:13 pm

    Linda, you’re a beautiful woman. Your profile pic doesn’t do you justice 🙂
    I really enjoyed this post. Praying for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. musingsofmanettekay May 29, 2022 / 10:39 pm

    Linda, I’ll be praying for you. You are an inspiration to many people. I hope that you feel love and encouragement through all the comments and cyber hugs. Jehovah bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. bornagain732 May 30, 2022 / 4:26 am

    Love you and love that picture ❤️
    My 58 year old sister in law had to have a pace maker placed in her heart! That all happened unexpectedly in less then 24 hours time!
    Please keep us posted ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee Adams/Lady Quixote May 30, 2022 / 6:44 am

      I love you so much, sister Beth. Thank you ❤

      Wow, that's amazing about your sister in law. Only 58! 24 hours!! I hope she is doing well now.

      I've been thinking a lot lately about the open heart surgery I observed when I was a student nurse. The surgeon told me I could stand on a foot stool at the patient's head. I was agnostic, almost an atheist, at the time. But as I watched the man's chest being opened and retracted, and I gazed in wonder at the beating, pulsating heart, flanked by billowing, breathing lungs, I was in awe. How could this incredible, complex human body have evolved from nothing, all by itself?

      On that day, I began to doubt my doubts. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Praise God for His mercy, His grace, and His love!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • bornagain732 May 30, 2022 / 11:02 am

        And she’s considered healthy!!
        That’s awesome God allowed you to observe that!! Our William has open heart surgery at 5 months old!
        I love you so much too, sis!!

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Amy Blount May 30, 2022 / 8:17 am

    The way your husband holds onto your arm in a protective way tells me you have everything you need in life. The love of a caring, kind husband can be hard to come by for some. I watch women who do not have that and as happy as they are, there is something missing in their lives because of not having that in their husbands. You are so very blessed. (I am too😊)

    Coming from years of healing and finding what is “normal” can make person’s life seem short in a way from all the years the trauma took over. But each of our personal journeys of climbing out of despair help others, No doubt! I find that looking back and seeing the who I was then and the who I am now, puts a huge smile on my face, similar to the one on your beautiful face in the picture above.

    I do hope you can find a way to get back to sharing your feelings on here, because I really enjoy every post you share.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Linda Lee Adams/Lady Quixote May 30, 2022 / 8:37 am

      Oh, wow. I am overcome with emotions after reading your loving words. I’m so grateful for you, dear Amy. And I am so looking forward to reading your memoir!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Amy Blount May 30, 2022 / 9:08 am

        You are beautiful inside and out! You are wonderful writer too. It is easy to read your words and easy to relate

        Liked by 2 people

        • Linda Lee Adams/Lady Quixote May 30, 2022 / 10:32 am

          Oh, Amy. You are such a blessing! But I have to admit, my face has a lot more wrinkles than you can see in this picture. The lighting in the restaurant washed some of the details away. It’s okay, though. The wrinkles just mean that I have been around awhile 😀

          Liked by 1 person

  13. Salvageable May 30, 2022 / 1:00 pm

    God’s blessings to you. I hope you get good news out of all these tests–something correctable, something you can live with, something that will make life better for you. I will keep you in my prayers. J.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Beverley May 30, 2022 / 6:19 pm

    Thank you for pouring your heart to us. So much things are happening all over the world it is heartbreaking. We will continue to pray 🙏 and encourage each other. Your strength and resilience are a blessing to us. Stay safe in God’s arms.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. ibikenyc June 1, 2022 / 8:07 am

    Always lovely to hear from you!

    So sorry about your health issues. Praying for you and a perfect outcome from tomorrow’s appointment ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  16. hatrack4 June 1, 2022 / 6:51 pm

    My wife had a 2-week heart monitor about a month ago. Her A-Fib is asymptomatic maybe half the time, and your description of a fish fluttering sounds like what she feels the rest of the time. She had two episodes that required an IV at the hospital to break the A-Fib and get it back to normal rhythm, but at the present time, they do not think her A-Fib is dangerous enough to do any drastic procedures. We are simply living with it. As for me, the BP is climbing and I see the cardiologist tomorrow, same day as you, but only to see if my BP cuff is giving me a believable reading, then I might get a doctor appointment. Get Well Soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee Adams/Lady Quixote June 1, 2022 / 11:13 pm

      I’m sorry you and your wife are going through all of that. I’m praying for you both.

      Getting older is definitely not for sissies!

      Liked by 1 person

      • hatrack4 June 2, 2022 / 4:08 am

        I think they have you get older when you have been around the block enough to have perspective. Have a good cardiologist visit today.

        Liked by 1 person

          • hatrack4 June 2, 2022 / 12:59 pm

            The nurse said that the doctor would call me and the nurse would call her (on a different matter) – neither call happened.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Linda Lee Adams/Lady Quixote June 2, 2022 / 2:27 pm

              Wow. How annoying. I had a similar annoying day. I drove all the way to the cardiologist in Texas, only to discover that my doctor did not send him the results of my 48 hour Holter monitor, like the nurse told me they would. So now, I am going to go and get my records from my doctor, and take them to the cardiologist on July 1. I will also have an echocardiogram on that day.

              I used to be a nurse, so I know how hectic things can get in a doctor’s office. But still, when you say you are going to do something, you need to do it. 😦

              Liked by 1 person

              • hatrack4 June 2, 2022 / 3:29 pm

                Agreed, and just in milage alone, you have me beat, but you have an appointment at least. We’ll still be praying.

                Liked by 1 person

  17. Paul Martin June 8, 2022 / 6:18 am

    I don’t know why I didn’t see this post at first! Weird! 🤔But I am both glad you are blogging again, and concerned for your heart issues!!! I will be praying for you about that!!! It IS hard to watch the news nowadays, PTSD or not…(for me at least). On the one hand, it is both sad and scary… On the other, it makes me think that Jesus is coming back soon! I have a blog, that’s yet unwritten,(in my head and on my heart) about this… I think we as believers better buckle up! But I digress.. Glad to hear from you, and I’ll be praying

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Cindy Dawson June 9, 2022 / 9:56 am

    My son (now 41) called me Mammy when he was little. I think he was trying to say Mommy, but it was so cute everyone encouraged it. Praying for you and your husband. Blessings, Linda!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee Adams/Lady Quixote June 9, 2022 / 4:08 pm

      Another Mammy! That’s so cool. My youngest son is also 41.

      Thank you so much for your prayers. I greatly appreciate it. I’m saying a prayer for you, too.

      Liked by 1 person

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