Feeling a little Discombobulated: PTSD and the Pandemic

According to the dictionary, to be discombobulated is ‘to be thrown into a state of confusion.’ That pretty much sums up the way I’ve been feeling lately. This whole year, 2020 — I just want everything to go back to normal!

When I look in the mirror, I barely recognize myself. My face looks so much older than it did just a few months ago. Why? Is it because of all the crazy things going on in the world today? I think this covid-19 pandemic, and the lockdowns, the unrest, the unemployment, the political fighting, the heatwave, the wildfires, and smoke everywhere, is making everyone a little crazy. Maybe that’s why my face looks like I have aged twenty years in the past few months.

On top of everything else, my laptop computer is no longer functioning, and it is too old and obsolete to be repaired. I have been using that computer for the past ten or twelve years, almost every day, for writing and creating my graphic designs. I think I was able to save all the important photographs, writings, and creative designs to DVDs, so I should be able to eventually download my stuff to a new computer. But even so, I almost feel like I have lost a close friend.

My computer has gotten old, like me. I know it’s silly, but I want to cry. More than that, I want to go back to the good old days, before 2020.

Still, I’m trying to hang on to my positive attitude. You never know what’s going to happen next. Maybe, just maybe, something really GOOD will happen before this crazy year is over. Hey, it doesn’t hurt to dream!

I know, I’m silly, just like it says on my gravatar picture. But despite my silliness, even when everything seems to be going crazy in the world around me, I still believe that God is good and He is in control. And I trust Him.

How about you? Has 2020 made you feel a little discombobulated, too?

My husband and I have 5 children, 8 grandchildren, and 6 great-grandchildren between us. They live all across the USA, from the west coast of Washington state to eastern Washington state, from northern California to southern California, from western Arizona to eastern New Mexico where we live, from southwest Missouri to eastern Pennsylvania, and all the way up to northern New York state. We have been greatly concerned for all of them, for their physical and mental wellbeing, their job losses, for those that live near the western wild fires (in earthquake country!), for my husband’s granddaughter in Arizona, who just had a baby and is now struggling with postpartum depression, and for my youngest son in Pennsylvania, who lost his job two months ago, still hasn’t received anything from unemployment, has used up all his savings and is deeply depressed, fearful that he will lose his lovely home.

Truly, my husband and I would far rather have terrible things happen to us, than to any of our children and grandchildren. We are doing a lot of praying!!! And we so want to go back to church. But with my husband’s COPD and his history of 3 heart attacks, and with my autoimmune disorders, we don’t dare go to church. Not yet, not with positive covid-19 cases still spiking in our county.

To top everything off, a very aggressive Pitbull is living next door, as of about a week and a half ago. So the peace and quiet that I used to enjoy in the back yard with our two sweet rescue dogs, is no more. This dog is so scary, I’m googling ‘How to survive a Pitbull attack.’ I like our neighbor very much, and I love most dogs, but this very scary, potentially lethal beast needs to GO.

Normal. I just want to be NORMAL again. But even so, it is well with my soul!

WOW. It’s amazing how much better I feel after putting these things in writing!

60 thoughts on “Feeling a little Discombobulated: PTSD and the Pandemic

  1. @preacherbiker September 19, 2020 / 11:35 pm

    I love you and you look more beautiful than when I first saw you

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Lesley September 20, 2020 / 1:50 am

    ‘Discombobulated’ – what a great word! Not so keen on the meaning, but it sounds good. I will store it in my memory to use in appropriate circumstances. 😀

    2020 has been a rollercoaster of a year. The grief that Covid has brought and political and social unrest has been terrible. Yet, in my personal life, God has blessed me like never before. One of the best things is seeing how our daughter is coping with the Pandemic. She suffers with OCD. There have been many times she couldn’t get out of bed. Now she’s at uni and is blossoming, and coping with Covid surprisingly well! She’s also being a great support to us.
    There is also ongoing healing of family relationships that I never would have dreamt could happen. This has been a year to remember in every way. 🙏 💖

    Liked by 3 people

    • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 20, 2020 / 2:15 am

      How wonderful! I knew there had to be some goodness happening somewhere. I am very grateful that my granddaughter and her husband have fully healed from covid-19, with no lasting ill effects, so yes, good things have happened this year!

      Discombobulated is a word that has gone out of fashion, I believe. I remember my grandparents saying it, but haven’t heard it much, since.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lesley September 20, 2020 / 5:32 am

        Good to hear about your granddaughter and her husband, Linda!
        I haven’t heard that word being used either . . . not even by my grandparents. I might just bring it back into fashion. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • bluebird of bitterness September 22, 2020 / 10:14 am

        It’s a word I use a lot, partly because discombobulation happens to me pretty frequently, and partly because it’s just fun to say. I like words that are fun to say. Like discombobulate, kerfuffle, flapdoodle, vociferous, boondoggle, obsequious, codswallop, quibble, nincompoop…

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Blue Collar Theologian September 20, 2020 / 4:49 am

    God has rattled my snow globe (life) and I don’t know where all of the sparkly little flakes will land. I am trying to throw seeds for Jesus even in the midst of all this. So yes, I also feel discombobulated. I am praying for you and I enjoyed the comics! Love, hugs and blessings!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. hatrack4 September 20, 2020 / 5:22 am

    Love the cartoons. And yes, this year has been discombobulated, but maybe the rapture is coming soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Bruce Cooper September 20, 2020 / 6:25 am

    I agree Linda Lee, it’s been a difficult year but there are still an awful lot of things to be thankful for and many have not been so fortunate. Plus, with all the distractions, there has been a pause of sorts, where that which is really important has solidified and the value of constants reaffirmed, especially when it comes to internal values versus external values. Externals are indeed fleeting but internals become richer and deeper. Even our emotions are being tempered and balanced out, and in spite of the turmoil, we can still have peace within. I know for me, the need to stay close to Jesus throughout the day has become more of a norm and prayer for strengthening and guidance seen as more of a necessity, than ever before. And having been married for almost fifty years, I can vouch for your hubby because there is nothing wrong with our eyes, we see with both our eyes and our hearts and that makes a world of difference. Your beauty is because it is you. Praise our gracious Lord for all His many blessings. – Bruce

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Heidi Viars September 20, 2020 / 7:18 am

    I am so grateful you are putting this into a word/words. You described perfectly how I feel. I have talked to so many people around me and it seems most of us are walking in this grief of having lost our “used-to-be’s”.
    There are too many to mention and, like many times with loss, we don’t want to complain, knowing others lost the same or even more.
    I appreciate you put this into words. I miss so many things.
    Thank you for reminding us to cling to the Lord. He has never changed his heart toward us … and that will remain!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 20, 2020 / 7:20 am

      Thank you, dear Heidi. ❤

      I love your new gravatar picture. Somehow, you have gotten younger and more gorgeous this year!


      • Heidi Viars September 20, 2020 / 8:42 am

        🤣 … You are too funny … if this is truly the case, the only reason would be that I spent a lot of hours in the counseling office this year 🤪… but thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Anna Waldherr September 20, 2020 / 10:29 am

    Truly, the world has been shaken. But those verses from Habakkuk are some of my favorites. Love, A. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The Son Of God September 20, 2020 / 4:35 pm

    In the midst of it all, you kept the faith. 👍👏🙌✌🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  9. oldandblessed September 20, 2020 / 5:05 pm

    Enjoyed the read. I couldn’t help but think about “normal” as I read. Normal is a liquid thing. We wake up some morning and normal for today has been thrust upon us. We adjust without thinking and move forward with skills we didn’t even know we had. Normal isn’t yesterday, or tomorrow, but the state of affairs right now. We often call it new, but it’s old by tomorrow. Excuse the philosophizing. I can’t help myself sometimes.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 20, 2020 / 5:24 pm

      “Normal isn’t yesterday, or tomorrow, but the state of affairs right now. We often call it new, but it’s old by tomorrow.” — very interesting. I like the way you think.

      I still want my old laptop, though. IBM ThinkPad T400 with Windows 7. Sigh.

      Liked by 1 person

      • oldandblessed September 20, 2020 / 8:29 pm

        I hear you. I want to freely go to movies, to church and just roam around without a care again.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 23, 2020 / 10:44 pm

          I just read your post #8 about your childhood memories, and the tragedy of losing your father when you were eight years old. I tried to leave a comment, but it disappeared the instant I tried to post it. For some reason, my comments are going straight to spam again. I’m trying to get that fixed. But I just want you to know, I am so sorry you lost your dad when you were so young. I don’t know how you made it through.


  10. Tricia September 20, 2020 / 5:15 pm

    That 2020 has been a crazy year is sure an understatement. You certainly have a lot of stressful stuff going on personally which on top of the chaos of the world just makes things worse. I hope and pray things get better for you, for all of us soon.

    And just think, I decided to get married in November amongst all of this, right after the election no less! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 20, 2020 / 5:26 pm

      You’re getting married in November? That’s wonderful! My youngest brother was married in May. He keeps telling me he can’t hate 2020, for that reason. ❤❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • Tricia September 20, 2020 / 5:33 pm

        Thanks Linda! Well congrats to your younger brother. And I like his take on 2020, I’m adopting it.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Beverley September 20, 2020 / 6:58 pm

    I am so glad that you have this media to vent your feelings. Rest assured, we all feel the same as you do even the children are feeling discomboluated.

    This evening I was talking to my son and I told him that I believe with all my heart that COVID will disappear, but we should not return to the normal that we use to. We need to create a new normal where we learn to adapt to the internet technology, be self reliant as much as possible and always be prepared for new and sudden outbreak of diseases in the future. I believe this pandemic is to prepare us for the future. Let us continue to pray that God will help us to adopt to a new normal. I pray that you will be safe and the Lord will shut the mouth of the neigbhor’s dog. In Jesus name, Amen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 20, 2020 / 7:15 pm

      Thank you so much, Beverley. Yes, I agree, we need to prepare for a new normal.

      I finished reading your book just last night. I took my time and read slowly and prayerfully, looking up the scriptures as I went. I also highlighted and made notes all through it. Your writing is amazing.


      • Beverley September 21, 2020 / 5:46 pm

        Thank you, my dear Linda. I am so glad that the book blesses you and that you research the scriptures and make notes. I am sure that Lord will reveal even more revelation to you as you study His Word. Blessings to you.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 21, 2020 / 6:14 pm

          After I left this comment for you, I discovered that I hadn’t quite finished your book after all — I still needed to read the scriptures in the appendix. I am still reading through those. You pack a lot of meat in your writing! I am amazed at your wisdom and insight.


          • Beverley September 22, 2020 / 5:00 pm

            I am amazed at how much you love the Word of God. Not many people would bother to read the scriptures in the appendix. The Lord will definitely honor you for your zeal. 🙂❤

            Liked by 1 person

            • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 22, 2020 / 7:30 pm

              Thank you, Beverley. But truly, although I read the Bible every day, my understanding of scripture doesn’t come close to yours.


              • Beverley September 25, 2020 / 7:10 am

                The Lord will open your understanding. Have a blessed day. 🙂❤

                Liked by 1 person

  12. Paul Martin September 21, 2020 / 7:05 am

    Linda, I TOTALLY get it! My family is yet AGAIN struggling! With EVERYTHING! It sometimes seems as if, instead of the weight of the trials loosening, they just continue to pile on!! That’s the reason I haven’t been on here much, or commented on others’ posts. (Sorry! 😢) But I can say with ALL surety!…. 2020 has served to only CEMENT my resolve to follow Jesus Christ! Bring on the trials! I am ready! And, by the grace of God, no matter the storm, I WILL SERVE THE LORD! It is actually a comfort knowing that I am not the only one going through stuff! I think sometimes we get sort of a “tunnel vision” in our trials, and forget that we are not alone (even though it feels like it).
    I will continue to pray for you, my dear sister in Christ!!! Someday, we will be with Jesus, and ALL of this, ALL of these struggles, ALL of these trials, will PALE in comparison to the GLORY of God, in whose presence we shall EVER DWELL! HANG ON! HOLD FAST! This ride and this road is gonna get ROUGHER! But it has been trod before, by the ONE who cleared the path! (Heb 4:14-16) And by the saints who’ve endured before us, and their testimonies encourage us! (Heb 12:1-4). It is gonna be worth it all!!!!!! All PRAISE, HONOR, AND GLORY TO JESUS CHRIST!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 21, 2020 / 1:28 pm

      Dear Paul, I am so grateful for you. Thank you so much for everything you said in this comment. I wanted to reply to this hours ago, but man we have a lot going on here today!!

      I also love what you posted on your blog this morning. I left a comment there, but it promptly vanished. My comments must be going to spam again. Sigh.

      My favorite part about your comment and your post is how you are more determined than ever to cling to the Lord Jesus Christ, first and foremost, no matter what happens. Amen and Amen and Amen!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Paul Martin September 21, 2020 / 3:19 pm

        The comments I posted on your page vanished as well! 🤔

        Liked by 1 person

            • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 22, 2020 / 7:07 pm

              Right! My comments on other people’s blogs are going to spam again. I need to contact askimet, they fixed it for me last time. But right now I am in the middle of transferring zillions of files from my old computer to my newer computer. Fun.

              How are you doing, my friend? I am always so happy when I see your comments on my blog. ❤❤❤❤❤

              Liked by 1 person

          • bluebird of bitterness September 22, 2020 / 7:50 pm

            I should comment more often, especially since WP won’t let me ‘like’ your posts. But sometimes it’s hard to think of anything intelligent to say that one of your other commenters has not already said. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 22, 2020 / 8:24 pm

              I understand that. Lately, with all the discombobulation going on, it’s hard for me to think of anything intelligent to say, period. And why in the nincompoop won’t WP let you like my posts? I have noticed lately that my likes aren’t showing up on some people’s posts. Frustrating!

              But I’m grateful we have this way to connect, imperfect though it is. Your blog is a great public service. I don’t know what I would do without my regular Bluebird of Bitterness fix.

              Liked by 1 person

  13. kenzelsfire September 21, 2020 / 12:23 pm

    Linda Lee,
    I appreciate your reflections. Can relate on so many levels. There is a story I had not yet shared on blog about dogs.
    When my son was 6mos old we were out walking. We had been keeping our eye on two dogs on our route. As I recall, they were rottweilers.
    One night I finally noticed they were roaming their front yard. They attacked husband and dog…by the Grace of God (samaritans coming to our side) the dogs were subdued. I will never forget it though. May God provide Wisdom and give you Peace .

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 21, 2020 / 1:34 pm

      Praise God that your husband and pet were saved from the dog attack! I am doing a lot of praying about the scary dog next door. Our big mystery mix rescue dog looks like she may have some pitbull in her, but she is super loving. This dog next door, though — she acts like she wants to kill: me, my two dogs, and my stepdaughter. Not cool!


  14. seekingdivineperspective September 21, 2020 / 9:46 pm

    I’ve said it before – “normal” is overrated. Still, the present is … not very enjoyable.
    Since we can’t go back, the best we can do is hang onto the Lord today and pray for the future.
    (Still chuckling at the Facebook post: “Dear Mom, Does your offer to knock me into next year still stand?”)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote September 21, 2020 / 9:59 pm

      Thank you for making me literally laugh out loud just now! Yes please, knock me into next year!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. oneta hayes September 26, 2020 / 10:34 pm

    Sounds like the Habakkuk verse is a version of you discombobulated life right now. And you are still praising the Lord. Victory in the shadows.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. sundaygirl9 October 19, 2020 / 8:25 pm

    This sounds very frustrating from your perspective. I’ve been noticing so many things out of my control like this and I feel as though I can sympathize. How much more of this insanity must we endure? It’s like we’re in one big pressure cooker about ready to burst. Though, I know every season must end and we will get through this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote October 19, 2020 / 9:15 pm

      “…every season must end and we will get through this.” Well said, and I agree.


  17. annagone_wild November 27, 2020 / 11:41 am

    Linda thank you for this beautiful sharing. I myself have struggled greatly with 2020. It took me a long time to find my soul mate in life because of the trauma I had experienced…. I also have PTSD. This was the year him and I welcome our first child into the world. I waited a long time to have a wee one to share the world with and then in April our area experienced a full lockdown, that was when I laboured. Its been nothing like I imagined starting a family would be like. It has brought both blessings and great heart ache. I never imagine starting out motherhood in isolation or that I would have to recover and care for an infant on my own…. Yet there has still been so much joy that has also come. My heart has been so heavy with all the new mama hormones and world events. One day at a time…. today I choose to see the beauty we have been given.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/Lady Quixote November 27, 2020 / 1:42 pm

      Oh… dear Anna. It has been many years since my first child was born, but I remember it well. The physical changes, the emotional and mental changes — none of that is easy. To be going through all of that, in 2020 — wow. Wow! You deserve a special medal!

      Thank you for reaching out. Yes, one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, is the only way to get through these troubling times. Good for you to chose to focus on the beauty we have been given. The wonders all around us are too easy to take for granted. But when we really pay attention to the beauty in life — it’s mind boggling, isn’t it?

      I’m saying a prayer for you and your precious family right now. God bless! ❤❤❤


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