Sleepless

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A friend I met several years ago through blogging, a fellow trauma survivor, sent me an email that begins with these words:

“Trauma survivors live in survival mode . . . ”

It’s true, we do. And when hard times come, like they do for everyone, trauma survivors have a tendency to fear the worst.

Yesterday afternoon I got a text from my daughter asking me to pray, because there was a gunman on the Harvard campus and my granddaughter’s husband was there, sheltering in place. I immediately began to pray, and cry, and worry, as I sent texts to everyone I could, asking them to pray. Very soon I got a text from my daughter saying that the man with the gun had been taken into police custody without any shots being fired, hallelujah. I later learned there was a female with a gun who was arrested, as well.

I was so relieved! And yet, I feel like I’m on high alert right now, on the lookout for gun toting nut jobs, despite the fact that I live in New Mexico, more than 2,000 miles from Harvard University.

But it’s not just the short-lived danger my granddaughter’s husband was in, that has me all wide awake in the middle of the night. Six hours from now, my stepdaughter is going to have surgery to remove her thyroid and five growths from her throat. And I keep having to remind myself to breathe.

The odds of something terrible happening during or after the surgery are very low, only about 5%. This surgeon is renowned for his expertise in thyroidectomies. My stepdaughter will be fine. She. Will. Be. FINE!

On February 5, my husband is scheduled to have a surgery. But I don’t need to worry about that right now, February 5 is days away.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe . . .

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13 thoughts on “Sleepless

  1. Bruce January 17, 2020 / 5:24 am

    I think that most of us go through the same thoughts, maybe not to the same degree that you do, but we still do fret about things that are outside of the norm. At 74 years of age I am constantly looking for tranquility. When I served in the Navy there were times out at sea when the ocean would be like a sheet of glass, without even a ripple. That’s what I seek and yes I know it’s stupid. Just want you to know that you’re in good company and you endear yourself to our hearts when you share it. God’s grace, peace and blessings to you and yours!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ibikenyc January 17, 2020 / 6:32 am

    Oh, Lady Quixote / Linda Lee!

    Praying for you and yours.

    Breathe, breathe, breathe, yes.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sue Cass January 17, 2020 / 7:02 am

    Praise God no one was hurt. I think all of us would have a similar reaction when a loved one is involved, maybe just not as intense. When I was going through my healing process from the abuse early on I saw a pedophile around every corner. The Lord heals us.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. atimetoshare.me January 17, 2020 / 10:52 am

    We both know that corporate prayer can do wonders. I will pray for you and your family. I know when you suffer from PTSD everything is magnified, but these are both serious reasons for concern. I know that God’s will is going to be done and that it will be for your good. Hang onto His promises and breathing is also good.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lady Quixote/Linda Lee January 17, 2020 / 6:12 pm

      Thank you so much, Kathy. My stepdaughter is in recovery now. Her surgery took four hours. The surgeon said it went well, however, there was a bad surprise. In addition to the five nodules, a couple of which were fairly large, there was an extremely large, substernal goiter that did not show up on the ultrasound scan of her neck, because it had grown down from her thyroid, into her chest cavity.

      The surgeon said he was able to remove it all, and he sent all of the excised tissue to the pathology lab. We should know within a week or two, if any of it is cancer. Her aunt, my husband’s sister, had thyroid cancer, so… I appreciate the prayers so much. Thank you.

      Liked by 3 people

  5. riverlifepsalms1 January 19, 2020 / 4:02 am

    Praying for divine healing and restoration…

    Also, I tried to find a way to email you more privately, but couldn’t, so I decided to simply say this, “I am waiting for the Lord to raise up and reveal for

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lady Quixote/Linda Lee January 19, 2020 / 10:42 pm

      Sorry, I need to add a contact page here. I will send you an email, you will know it’s me, “Lady Quixote.” : -)

      Liked by 1 person

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