Why this former agnostic-atheist is now a Christian

 

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I was staunchly agnostic-atheist for many years. With my Mensa IQ, I believed I was too intelligent to believe in “God and other fairy tales.” (That’s right, even a so-called “genius” can be REALLY stupid.)

A big part of my unbelief stemmed from the fact that I had been badly abused by a couple of “Christians.” The hypocrisy of my abusers, and of several other self-proclaimed Christians that I have known, totally turned me off to Christianity.

Then there’s the problem of all the mind blowing evil that happens every single day in this world. How can an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, perfect and holy God of love, allow such things as babies being born horribly deformed, tiny children with terminal cancer eating away at their bodies, massive earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes that kill thousands of men, women, and children in one fell swoop — and the never-ending evil of war — of child abuse — and weapons of mass destruction — and on and on and on the list of horror goes. Surely an all-loving, all-powerful, and all-knowing God of perfection would not stand idly by and allow all the misery we see in the news every day, plus the many more terrible things that never make the news — not to mention the horrors that I have personally endured.

Oh, and I also did not like the idea of an omnipresent Being seeing, and judging, my private sex life. Hello — if a Creator exists, then He supposedly gave me my sexual drive and organs, right? But I’m not supposed to actually USE them the way I want to? How fair is that!

As for any so-called evidence of intelligent design, well — evolution was the explanation, right? First there was a big bang, then a primordial ooze, then a single cell came to life somehow, then survival of the fittest over billions and billions of years, and yadda yadda yadda, here we are!

After my kids were grown, I went to nursing school. The more I learned about the complexity of human biology, the more impressed I was with the sheer brilliance of evolution. (And WHY is there something instead of nothing, as Einstein asked? Ah, who knows.)

My assignment one day during my nursing program was to observe an open heart triple bypass surgery from start to finish. The surgeon invited me to stand on a foot stool at the patient’s head. I had the perfect view as the surgeon cut open the patient’s chest and retracted the rib cage.

You know, we don’t think very much about all the wonders that surround us every day, because they have always just been here, from the moment we first opened our eyes. The sun, the moon, the stars, the ground beneath our feet. The trees, the grass, the flowers, the @#$%&! sticker weeds (especially here in New Mexico). The birds, the cattle, the purring kittens, the loyal dog with a wagging tail. People of every race, shape, and size walking by. A baby’s cry. A child’s laughter. The vast variety of foods we eat each day, the smorgasbord of tastes, textures, and smells. The incredible way that all the foods and vitamins and minerals we consume are digested and utilized by the millions of microscopic living cells that make up our bodies. Each breath we take, every beat of our heart. It has all been going on since the moment we came into existence, so we take it all for granted.

Standing on that foot stool in the operating room, mere inches away from a seventy-year-old cardiac patient, I watch as blood spurts up when the first incision is made in his chest. I watch as the sternum is cut open and the ribs are retracted.

And there, right under my nose, is a beating, pumping heart, flanked by billowing, breathing lungs.

….

…….

How?

How did this…

EVOLVE…

all by itself…

from

NOTHING?

Oh, boy. Not cool. My “genius” agnostic/atheism was severely challenged in that mind boggling moment.

But, I quickly shook it off. Because, yeah, EVIL — and babies with cancer — earthquakes and hurricanes — WAR — child abuse — my own abuse — and abusive, lying, cheating, hypocritical “Christians.” And, last but not least, my private sex life.

A few years later, shortly before my fiftieth birthday, I finally reached the end of my know-it-all self. Then I prayed and asked the God I did not believe in, to show me if He is real or not. I told Him I was willing to repent of my sins and submit my life to Him if He really was real.

It did not happen overnight. And I still don’t have all of my questions answered, by any means. But today I am a Christian. I am a believer, because the preponderance of the evidence compels me to believe.

PS: Today, I look back over my life and wonder how I could have been so stupid, for so many years, about so many things. What does having a high IQ mean? All it really means is that I am good at taking IQ tests. When it comes to common sense, not so much!

As for all the reasons that I had for not believing in God, because I thought God was doing everything “wrong” — allowing evil, tragedies, abuse, etc etc — the best answer I have found is God’s reply to Job, found in the book of Job, beginning with chapter 38 verse 1, and continuing through chapter 42 verse 6.

If you scroll down through the comments, you will see that this entire section of scripture, is contained in my reply to Lee Poskey’s comment. These verses from the book of Job are a very long read, but well worth the time it takes to read them.

NOTE ABOUT COMMENTS: Polite comments are welcome. However, I will not post comments from atheists arguing their beliefs, or lack thereof. Why? Because I have been there. I know how pointless and circular such “discussions” are. Not to mention time consuming. I’m too busy for that, sorry.

16 thoughts on “Why this former agnostic-atheist is now a Christian

  1. CynthiaBaileyRug May 18, 2019 / 9:30 am

    Such an incredible story!! It’s downright funny sometimes how God brings us to Him, isn’t it? I was into Ouija boards & other paranormal things when I finally began to believe in Him. He truly meets us right where we are, even when that place isn’t a good one. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Bruce May 18, 2019 / 9:43 am

    We have an amazing God, thank you Linda for sharing!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. tidalscribe May 18, 2019 / 9:45 am

    A wonderfully well reasoned piece. I often wonder, in fact I am pretty certain, that people are even less likely to believe in a living Devil ( and here I am playing devil’s advocate because I am not sure exactly what I believe in, but it’s certainly not Nothing ) than in a living God. For ‘the devil’ would surely delight in corrupting humans at the heart of religions and other institutions we are supposed to trust. That would explain how such terrible abuse occurs. Suffering has always been a stumbling block, with Free Will the only explanation offered. In an ideal world we would fight no wars and use the brains we’ve been given to take advantage of the abundance of plant life with their potential as medicines.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. atimetoshare.me May 18, 2019 / 10:12 am

    I’m so glad that God didn’t give up on you. He never does, you know. I grew up a believer, but it took me years to feel worthy of God’s love and compassion. Through years of His patience I finally surrendered. I know I will see you in heaven too.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. muffythedramaslayer May 18, 2019 / 10:50 am

    So well written. I so get this (I too wear the yellow map pin). My genius engineer Dad had a similar story, and yet after all his logical reasons why God doesn’t exist he found himself telling coworkers about how they should try God because his wife and kids had and their lives had been transformed. My mother (who knew him well enough to get away with this) called him a hypocrite because he hadn’t even accepted God himself. That brought him up short, one thing led to another, and within a few years he quit his job as VP of an engineering consulting firm and became a pastor.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. hawk2017 May 18, 2019 / 11:28 am

    You are not only smart but you let our God give you Wisdom unto Salvation. Glorify His Name.:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 18, 2019 / 12:11 pm

      Thanks for saying that, but I look back over my life now and wonder how I could have been so stupid!

      I am watching on live stream right now, my daughter’s graduation from Whitworth University, with a Master’s in Family and Marriage Therapy. Wow God is good!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Looking for the Light May 18, 2019 / 1:04 pm

    I believe we all question…even fi Christain. I was physically and sexually abused by my parents and as I grew older it made me feel guilty. I gave the guilt to God, how do I make sense of my past. My father committed suicide in 1992, he was my abuser and his death rocked everything I thought about him. As ever year passes I still change my thought towards my dad. I couldn’t move forward without a power much greater than me. When I ask for help in understanding my path, it comes sometimes others not but I know he carries me when I need God the most. I’m happy you got the chance to see both sides and was changed by the power of God not just raised that way. I think you can appreciate being a Christain more. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 18, 2019 / 1:49 pm

      I did not realize how much we have in common. My abuse history was bad, too. My dad was a church pastor. He was arrested when I was 12 for almost murdering my mother. A few months later, after losing our home to foreclosure and going on welfare, my deeply depressed mother tried to gas herself and the five of us kids to death.

      And those are just two of the many abusive things that happened in my childhood and young adulthood. There were even worse things.

      Sexual abuse is unbearable to endure, especially from your parents. Your dad committing suicide is also unbearable. Only a true, living Christ can give you the strength to survive such horrors.

      My heart goes out to you, big time. ((HUG))

      Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 18, 2019 / 4:45 pm

      God’s creation is an awesome testimony.

      I really don’t know how I was so blind for so many years. Having a high IQ really simply means that you are good at taking IQ tests. It doesn’t say anything about having common sense.

      When my three children were little, if I heard a loud crash coming from the family room and opened the door to find that my favorite lamp was lying in pieces all over the floor, I certainly wouldn’t have believed them if they had said it jumped off the wall and broke all by itself!

      Yet I believed that the entire universe, this world, and every living and inanimate thing in existence, happened “all by itself.” Good grief , I was dumb!

      Liked by 3 people

  8. Summer June 15, 2019 / 9:49 pm

    I found your post compelling! Thanks for sharing part of your conversion story. I may contact you in the near future about collaborating with me on an article. In the meantime, sharing!!

    Liked by 1 person

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