My views on abortion

I have been silent on this issue because I know that my personal history makes it hard for me to be objective. I have also been silent because I don’t like to offend people. But I believe that if I share my somewhat unusual perspective on the abortion issue, it may make a difference in someone’s decision. So for this reason, I have decided to break my silence.

People keep talking about the word “choice.” They’re talking about a woman’s “right to choose.” Especially in the case of rape. How terrible is it to force a woman impregnated by rape, to carry that baby full term, and force her to give birth? Doesn’t this make her a victim all over again?

I have been raped. I was fifteen. I was drugged, raped, and nearly murdered in the process. Literally, I almost died. Two nurses found me without a pulse. My lips were blue. That’s how close I came to dying from the drug that was used to knock me out so that I could be raped.

I did not become impregnated by the rapist. However, I have carried three babies to full term and given birth to them. So I know exactly what a big deal having a baby is. It is a really huge, very big deal.

Would I have wanted to be forced to give birth to a baby, if I had been impregnated by the evil rapist? That’s an excellent question. Here is my answer. (NOTE: Please don’t do like one person did and stop reading at this point, and believe that I am “pro choice,” particularly in the case of rape. This is incorrect. If you want to know why, keep reading.)

I know from a recent online poll that my views are in the minority, apparently even among professing Christians. I know that by sharing my views here, I may lose some followers.

I have just one word to say about that: Goodbye.

Let me tell you about my personal experience with a woman’s choice to control her life and her body. What I am about to tell you is 100% true, so help me God.

When I was twelve years old, my dad, a former church pastor, was arrested for nearly murdering my mom. His arrest is a matter of public record. What isn’t in the public record is what happened inside my childhood home, both before and after my dad’s arrest.

With no money coming in because my dad was locked up, our only car was taken. We soon ran out of money. We ran out of food. The beautiful mid-century modern, split level home that my parents had built when I was six, went into foreclosure. We ended up on welfare and food commodities, the precursor to food stamps.

Christmas came that year and we had nothing. My mother decided to drop the attempted murder charge and go back to my dad, for financial survival. But then she discovered that he was having an affair with the woman who eventually became his second wife.

My desperate, depressed, and deeply traumatized mother decided that the solution to everything was to gas herself and the five of us kids to death.

It was her choice, you see. Our mother’s decision was all about quality of life. Her decision was about poverty. Her decision involved some serious health issues, too, with one of my brothers being severely handicapped. Her decision also involved extreme trauma. No, she was not raped by our father, but she was almost murdered by him. In fact, my dad came so close to killing my mother the night before his arrest, that I actually believed, for several heart stopping moments, that my mother was dead.

I was twelve years old when these things happened. My four siblings were all age five and under, the youngest not yet two years old. (I was an only child until the year I turned seven.) At the time, I was the only child in school.

My mother was overwhelmed as a newly single mom with five kids, four of whom were preschoolers. Her life was ruined. It was her body that had brought us into the world, therefore she reasoned that it was her decision to make. This was my mother’s “choice.”

My mom tried several times to gas us all to death. If the cook stove had been gas instead of electric, I have no doubt that my family and I would have died when I was twelve years old. But the only thing she had to work with was a gas furnace.

I don’t remember how many times it happened. Several times, that’s all I can say for sure. I had terrible insomnia, for several years after the night that I had witnessed my dad almost murder my mom. So I would lie in bed awake for hours after our mother sent us all to bed. I would lie there and listen to my little sisters and brothers snoring. And in the winter time, I listened to the sound of the central heat cycling on and off, on and off.

But on the nights when our mother tried to kill us, although I did not know until later that this is what she was doing, the furnace would suddenly stop coming on. It was around Christmas time and the house got very cold. I kept waiting for the heat to come on, but it didn’t. Meanwhile, the house kept getting colder. So I finally got out of bed, intending to turn the thermostat up. I went out into the hall and discovered that the thermostat was already up as high as it could go, all the way past ninety degrees. Then I walked down the hall to the utility room, where I could see by the pitch black darkness that the pilot light had gone out. At that point, I would go and wake up my mother, tell her the furnace wasn’t working, and she would get out of bed and relight the pilot. On the way back to our bedrooms, every time this happened, I would see my mom push the thermostat back down to its normal setting.

This kept happening, night after night. Not every night, but quite a few nights. I thought the furnace was faulty. And I thought that one of my little siblings must be pushing the thermostat up as high as it could go, because they were cold. I wasn’t sure how any of them could reach that high, or how they could even get out of bed and do that without me seeing or hearing them. But still, it was the only thing that made any sense.

One day I came home from school, walked in the house, and there was my mom sitting at the dining room table, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. She told me to come and sit down at the table beside her, because she wanted to talk.

“I need to tell somebody this, because I can’t live with it all by myself anymore. But if I tell another adult, they will probably tell the police and I will go to prison for life — and you five kids will go to five foster homes and never see each other again. So you can’t tell anybody what I am about to tell you.”

I didn’t tell anyone, for years. I should have, but I didn’t. I was twelve. I was in shock. And I loved my family literally more than I loved my own life. The thought of my mom in prison and never seeing my sisters and brothers again was unbearable.

My mother told me that all those nights when the pilot light on the furnace went out, that she was putting it out on purpose. She also said that she was the one who kept turning the thermostat up as high as it would go, after blowing out the pilot light.

“I brought all you kids into the world,” she said. “So I have the right to take you out of it. Life is so hard, I believe I would be doing you a favor by killing you. And being gassed to death in your sleep is surely the easiest, most painless way to die.”

This was my mother’s CHOICE, you understand? For all of her very “rational” reasons. 1) Life is hard. 2) Being gassed in your sleep is the best way to go. 3) My body brought you into the world, so I have the right to take you out of the world. 4) I would be doing you all a great big favor by putting you out of your miserable life.

“My Choice. My Right. My Decision.”

The furnace had a safety on it that turned off the gas when the pilot light went out. When my mother realized this, she said, she took some kind of tool to it, hoping to disable the shut off valve.

“I thought this last time that I finally got it. I was sure that I had broken the safety shut off valve. But, it still didn’t work. So now I am trying to find a cliff high enough, that’s close enough to the road to drive us off of… ”

Do you know what it does to a kid to hear these words from her mother? That she has the right to kill her children, because she brought us into the world?

OH, but that’s DIFFERENT, you say. Killing a child so many years after it is born is MURDER. But, when you can’t yet see the child, because the fetus is hidden inside the womb — that’s Abortion, not Murder. That’s simply a woman’s right to choose, especially in the case of RAPE.

Really? Rape makes all the difference? Okay. Suppose, when I was drugged and raped at the age of fifteen, that I hadn’t regained consciousness when my heart stopped and my lips turned blue. Suppose, too, that I was impregnated by the rapist. And suppose that in my unconscious state, I was put on life support, and I carried that baby full term, and then gave birth.

Now, suppose that after the baby was born, I eventually came out of my coma. Maybe it happened that same day, after I gave birth. Maybe it happened a week later, or six months later, or maybe five whole years later. Hey, it’s been known to happen with comas.

But whenever it happens, suppose that when I finally wake up from the coma, I say: “This child that I gave birth to is a result of RAPE. I Don’t Want This Child.”

And then, I stab it death. Or I gas it to death. Or I shoot it in the head. Or whatever. It’s my child, it’s my choice. My body was violated. The kid wouldn’t even be here if I hadn’t been raped. So — Off With Its Head.

Is that okay, Mr. and Mrs. “It’s All About Choice?”

Does rape really make all the difference? Didn’t you learn this in kindergarten: Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right?

For the Christians that are calling for “choice,” what does the Bible have to say about the “fetus?” Here are just two of many verses:

Jeremiah 1:4-5 New English Translation (NET Bible)
4 The Lord said to me,
5 “Before I formed you in your mother’s womb I chose you.
Before you were born I set you apart.
I appointed you to be a prophet to the nations.”

Psalm 139:13-16 New English Translation (NET Bible)
13 Certainly you made my mind and heart;
you wove me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I will give you thanks because your deeds are awesome and amazing.
You knew me thoroughly;
15 my bones were not hidden from you,
when I was made in secret
and sewed together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw me when I was inside the womb.
All the days ordained for me
were recorded in your scroll
before one of them came into existence.

….One last thing: every time I hear, or read, about how a woman should have The Right to Choose, whether rape is involved or not, I hear my mother say: “I brought you kids into the world, so I have the right to take you out.”

I really wish everybody would stop saying that, because it’s a huge trauma trigger for people like me. And I am especially perplexed when it’s coming from self-professed Christians, talking about the importance of a woman’s “rights.” I don’t see a lot of that kind of thing in the Bible. Instead, I see: “take up your cross, deny yourself, and follow Me.”

PS: If you have had an abortion, I absolutely believe that the sacrifice Jesus the Messiah made on the cross can cover that sin, too. We just have to believe in Christ as our Savior, and His mercy does the rest.

This post was inspired by: Abortion and Rape by Mitch Teemley. I highly recommend that you read it. Here is the link:
Abortion and Rape

Update 20 May 2019:

There’s more to my reasons for being pro life. See part two, here: https://ablogabouthealingfromptsd.wordpress.com/2019/05/20/the-know-it-alls-guide-to-knowing-it-all-or-the-presumed-happiness-of-clams/

51 thoughts on “My views on abortion

  1. sedge808 May 18, 2019 / 9:27 pm

    I hear you.
    abortion is legal here, thanks goodness.

    Like

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 18, 2019 / 10:09 pm

      Hi, Sedge. I appreciate you commenting. However, I saw you click “like” on this post almost immediately after I posted it, and it’s a really long post. So I know you didn’t take the time to read down very far. If you had, you would have seen that I am very much against abortion. For any reason.

      Maybe, because this is such a sensitive topic for me, I did not make myself completely clear. Even in the case of pregnancy caused by rape, I believe that abortion is murder, and two wrongs don’t make a right. That’s my opinion, based on my personal history, which this post, if read in its entirety, fully explains.

      I must admit, Sedge, that I, too, am guilty of skimming through a post when it is especially long and I am feeling rushed.

      God bless.

      Liked by 4 people

  2. Angel at Watchyourlifeinpictures May 18, 2019 / 9:41 pm

    This is the best and most heartfelt explanation I have ever read, and I’ve read a lot of them.

    I appreciate you sharing this personal story.

    It made me think of the outrage people felt when the two adoptive mothers drove their family of six over the cliff in California.

    I was raped and became pregnant, but never knew until I had a miscarriage and ended up in the ER.

    At that point in my life I was happy I wasn’t pregnant and in all honesty, I would have seen abortion as the logical answer.

    But now, I have grief for the loss of that baby, because of who I am.

    I am his mother.

    No matter who his father was, he was my child.

    Liked by 9 people

  3. @PreacherBiker May 18, 2019 / 10:19 pm

    I am so proud of you

    Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Device

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Bruce May 19, 2019 / 3:47 am

    Thank you for sharing this Linda, I can’t imagine what you experienced does to a young girls mind and heart but I praise God that in spite of all you were exposed to and experienced, you are safe in His arms. I had one experience and it has resided with me all of my life, I gave it to Jesus but I still remember. You had multiple. Praise God for His grace.

    Liked by 6 people

  5. bornagain732 May 19, 2019 / 4:29 am

    Reblogged this on I ONCE WAS LOST and commented:
    “For the Christians that are calling for “choice,” what does the Bible have to say about the “fetus?”

    Liked by 3 people

      • bornagain732 May 19, 2019 / 6:40 am

        Bless your heart! Thank you for being so open for the glory of God 💕

        Liked by 2 people

        • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 19, 2019 / 6:43 am

          I must admit, it was not easy to write this. But if just one woman will read it someday and decide not to get an abortion, it will be worth it all.

          Liked by 4 people

          • bornagain732 May 19, 2019 / 6:46 am

            I am aware it wasn’t easy-as I read it I thought “Linda must’ve put a lot of prayer and thought into this post”! 💕

            Liked by 2 people

  6. bornagain732 May 19, 2019 / 4:32 am

    ((((((((((( 💕 ))))))))))))))

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 19, 2019 / 6:39 am

      Aww, thank you. I am so grateful to you for having the courage to post what you did yesterday. You opened the floodgates in my soul.

      Liked by 6 people

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 19, 2019 / 7:46 am

      Thanks, Wally. I couldn’t have written this post without the healing and strength I receive every day from the Lord. He really does heal the broken hearted and bind up our wounds.

      Liked by 3 people

  7. The Eclectic Contrarian May 19, 2019 / 6:49 am

    I very much agree with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Sherry May 19, 2019 / 9:29 am

    Reblogged this on quotes and notes and opinions and commented:
    My mother told me when I was 12 and abortion became legal that had it been legal when she got pregnant with my brother and I she would have had one. She also thought it a good saying, I brought you into the world I can take you out of it! She nearly did when she hired her lover to shoot me dead-turns out I knew the woman and she confessed to me my mother’s intention even showing me the gun she bought for the job.

    All children are a blessing from God. Let’s never despise the gifts we receive no matter how they come to us.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 19, 2019 / 4:58 pm

      Oh, Sherry… I am so, so sorry that your mother said and did those evil things to you and your brother.

      I am going to write another post on the topic of abortion, probably tomorrow, to address some issues that have been raised in an 800+ word comment that I have not approved here. It has to do with the “viability” question. I will also address the exemption that many people have against being pro life, namely the situation where the pregnant mother’s life is in danger.

      Here’s the thing: when the doctor told me, many years ago, that I was pregnant with my second child, he also said that he needed to abort my baby immediately to save my life, because I had a uterine tumor that could kill me if it turned out to be cancer. I did not have the abortion. Forty-four years later, I am still alive. And yesterday I watched my daughter graduate with a Master’s degree in Family and Marriage Therapy from a top level university.

      Also, my daughter’s daughter, my oldest grandchild, graduated with a Master’s degree from Harvard last year, and she has recently been accepted into a doctorate program. But they would not even exist today if I had followed that doctor’s advice to abort my baby.

      Here’s a big ((HUG)). You are an amazing survivor.

      Liked by 4 people

      • Sherry May 24, 2019 / 4:17 pm

        Happy hugs back to you! What a beautiful story!

        How sad to be a child today knowing that they could have been aborted and not given a chance to live.

        I’ll look for your post! Have a blessed day, sister!

        Liked by 1 person

      • seekingdivineperspective May 29, 2019 / 12:49 pm

        What a testimony! On the flip-side, there are women who are forever thinking, “(S)He would have turned five today, (s)he would have been 16 now … (s)he might have been married by now … I might have been a grandmother…” – SO sad.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. hawk2017 May 19, 2019 / 10:21 am

    Thank you for sharing this. Life is sacred in the eyes of our God. All life.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Anna Waldherr May 19, 2019 / 10:56 am

    Powerful and moving, Linda. I wish w/ all my heart there were public figures out there w/ the courage and insight to speak up on this issue. ❤

    Liked by 4 people

  11. tidalscribe May 19, 2019 / 11:00 am

    Another well reasoned argument. I have never been in the position of needing an abortion or advising a close relative. We lost our first baby at 20/21 weeks – after a week in hospital I had to go through labour for a dead baby. Now that is nothing compared to my mother losing twins and women having still births etc, but it gave me two insights. Firstly I couldn’t imagine anyone purposefully putting themselves through a late abortion and I guess most women would not realise till it was too late what the procedure would be like. But second iinsight, nature aborts many babies, often for good reasons we hope, but nature can be cruel. I wanted a full term normal baby, not a very premature baby who would probably suffer disabilities. I was pretty sure the baby was dead, but I just wanted nature to take its course and hopefully next pregnancy would be better. We had three children, all planned and I can’t understand how any mother could say ‘I love my two children, but don’t think I can cope with another so I’ll abort their sibling.’ So personally I don’t believe in abortion. It is legal in the UK except for Northern Ireland, where even under the direst medical circumstances women have to take a ferry over to England to have an abortion. The original relaxing of the laws on abortion were with the best of intentions to save poor women from back street abortions. The rich have always found descrete help. I wouldn’t judge any woman who found herself in a terrible position, but abortion has become too casual for too many and who deemed it okay to decide for example that a person with Downs Syndrome has no right to life.

    Liked by 5 people

  12. marianbeaman May 19, 2019 / 1:00 pm

    Linda Lee, I read through your post and many of the comments. How I admire the courage and God-empowerment your words inspire. Now I understand so much better your blog subtitle: healing from PSTD. The references from Psalms and Jeremiah only reinforce the truth.

    What a testimony you have as a survivor with a biblical world view; you are changing hearts and minds here. Blessings to you, dear friend! 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  13. Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 19, 2019 / 5:16 pm

    Hi, Nyssa. I appreciate your comment. Until fairly recently, although I have always been staunchly pro life, I also felt that it wasn’t the government’s business to legislate this. But with the extreme position that so many are taking, including the new governor of New Mexico, where I live, passing laws allowing abortion right up to the day of full term delivery — and after seeing videos of women dancing and rejoicing because now they can legally murder their perfectly healthy newborn infants, for any reason and for no reason — no. No. This is evil and it needs to stop.

    I watched my daughter graduate from Whitworth University yesterday with a Master’s degree. Last year, her daughter, my granddaughter, graduated from Harvard with a Master’s and has been accepted into a doctorate program. Way back when the doctor told me that I was pregnant with my daughter, he told me that he wanted to abort her right away to save my life, because I had a uterine tumor that could kill me if it turned out to be cancer.

    But after what my mother did, there was no way that I could kill my unborn baby to save my life. All these years later, I am still alive and cancer free, and my daughter and her daughter are doing awesome things.

    I plan to write a post about this tomorrow, and also address the issue of “viability” that someone mentioned.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. kakymc May 20, 2019 / 8:45 am

    This must have been a hard story to tell, but thank you for having the courage to share it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 20, 2019 / 12:56 pm

      Thank you! It was very, very, VERY hard to write this post. I felt completely exhausted and almost like I had been emotionally beat up, after I wrote this.

      However, because of the dissenting arguments in a few comments that I have not allowed to post, I am now in the process of writing a second post on this topic. Whew. I kind of wish I hadn’t started this.

      But if my posts can influence just one woman not to have an abortion, it will be worth it all.

      God bless you and thank you so much for the encouragement! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Tricia May 21, 2019 / 1:50 pm

    Wow Linda, what a powerful and moving post, thank you for sharing your story with us. It’s really one of the best answers I’ve seen to the tough questions surrounding rape and abortion.

    Don’t worry about the arguers, being rabidly pro choice is a religion to some people and nothing ever changes their minds.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Paul Martin May 24, 2019 / 6:58 pm

    I can’t imagine the trauma that you have lived through! But I pray that God will use the pain of your experience to minister to those who have gone through it! Also, you are a refreshing voice in the midst of so much pro abortion NOISE coming out right now! You can speak up for those who actually have experienced the HORRIBLE trauma of rape, and yet the grace of God brought you through! I speak often about pro life and pro life issues! I am often not given the time of day once the question of rape comes up…And understandably, I’m a guy, so it’s hard for me AS A GUY to make the case! I’m kind of new to WordPress. I wonder if there is a way to link this post ( only with your permission of course) to share with some that debate me! May God use you mightily!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 24, 2019 / 10:06 pm

      Thank you, Paul Martin, for your very encouraging words. Certainly, feel free to link this post as you wish. Within the next few days, I intend to write a follow-up on this, addressing “fetal viability,” which many people use as an argument for abortion, ie, that if the unborn child cannot survive outside the woman’s body, then it’s okay to kill it. But no one is viable for very long without water, without food, without oxygen. Children, after they are born, are not viable if you don’t feed and tend to them.

      I also want to address the argument that it’s okay to abort a baby to save the pregnant woman’s life. Forty-five years ago, I went to a doctor who told me that I was about four weeks pregnant. He advised me to let him abort the baby, because he said I had a uterine tumor that would kill me if it was cancer. I went to a different doctor, who found no tumor. Today I am still alive and cancer free and that baby my daughter, graduated from Whitworth University last Saturday with a master’s degree.

      Finally, on the issue of aborting a baby with birth defects… I have a 21 year old grandson whose mom (my daughter) refused to abort him when the doctors told her she should. Yes, he is severely cognitively impaired and physically disabled. But he is pure love. His first sentence, spoken with great difficulty, was: “Ma — I — love — you.” Whew. I love that boy.

      I’ve got a lot of stuff going on this weekend. But when I get a chance, I will write the follow-up and let you know.

      Blessings! We serve an awesome God!

      Liked by 2 people

  17. seekingdivineperspective May 29, 2019 / 12:53 pm

    I was notified that you “liked” the comment I sent along with the video where the people are persuaded to change their minds about abortion, but now I can’t find it in the comments here … Hmmm … Did you get to watch the video before it was removed?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 29, 2019 / 5:19 pm

      Hello, sorry about the confusion. I did approve, and like, your comment with the video link. It was early morning here, and our two dogs had awakened me after less than three hours of sleep. I just couldn’t get to sleep last night for some reason, and it was their usual time to go potty. I am normally an early bird.

      As I woke up a little more, it occurred to me that I really should watch the video all the way through first, before approving it. I watched just enough of it to know that it was about Hitler and the satanic Nazis. I did not get far enough into the video to see the connection with abortion, but I did get far enough along to see some extremely horrific visual images having to do with the evil holocaust. Because this is a blog for people with PTSD, I don’t want to re-traumatize people, without a good reason and some strong trigger warnings. So I temporarily unapproved your comment, until after I can watch it all the way through.

      I have had a very busy day, and I just woke up from a much needed 2.5 hour nap, feeling much refreshed, yaay! However, I only have 30 minutes to get ready to go to my women’s Bible study at church. So, no time yet to watch the video, but I should get to it either later tonight or tomorrow.

      Thanks for checking back. By the way, I have a story for you about a Hitler lover I knew years ago. Oh man… But eek, I need to get to my Bible study!

      Liked by 2 people

      • seekingdivineperspective May 30, 2019 / 11:59 am

        That makes perfect sense, and I should have thought of that before attaching the link. Please forgive my insensitivity.
        The connection was that what the holocaust and the abortion issue have in common is the notion that certain people are “non-people” and can be disposed of. A parallel was also made between the two situations where “Christian” people failed to take a stand against the evil going on around them. (Willful ignorance) Once pro-“choice” people made that connection, their minds were changed. Also encouraging was that Ray Comfort presented them with the gospel in the same conversations.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote May 30, 2019 / 10:06 pm

          Thanks for understanding! And I appreciate your apology very much. However, I understand, too, why you posted that link here. Whatever it takes to save innocent, dependent lives is worth it.

          I’m sorry that I still haven’t had a chance to watch the video all the way through. This has been a day.

          Like

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