Finding My Father: Part 2

Linda Lee @LadyQuixote

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TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY, I wrote a post titled Finding My Father: Part 1. In that post, I explained some of the reasons why I believed, for many years, that my mother’s first husband — the man whose name is on my birth certificate — probably wasn’t my biological father.

In fact, for years I have believed that my mother’s old boyfriend, a fellow she dated before she met and married her first husband, was probably my biological father. As I explained in part one, my mother took me to meet her old boyfriend when I was five or six years old, and she told him then that I was his daughter.

Yet another reason why I thought that the man I called “daddy,” my mother’s first husband, couldn’t possibly be my biological father, was because my mom’s first husband told me that he was 1/4 black. This meant, of course, that I should be 1/8 black, if I were his daughter. But when I had my DNA tested a few years ago, twice with Ancestry and once with 23andMe, all three of my DNA profiles came back saying that I am only 1% African. Nigerian, to be precise. And there is a big difference between 1/8 black and 1/100!

Both Ancestry and 23andMe gave me a list of over 1,000 DNA relatives, and not one of them was an obvious relative of my mom’s first husband. But there were several distant cousins listed that I quickly recognized as being related on my mother’s side, both at Ancestry and at 23andMe.

I resigned myself to the possibility that I might never learn the identity of my real father. But last month, on December 13, the mystery was solved when I got an email through 23andMe from a relative who had just had her DNA tested. She is now the closest relative I have listed on 23andMe. And she is my dad’s half sister.

Which dad? The man I called “daddy” as I was growing up. The man whose name is on my birth certificate. My mother’s first husband. He really was my father!

I don’t understand the discrepancy in my racial profile. Maybe my dad wasn’t 1/4 black, like he believed. I have researched this and I’ve learned that, because we only inherit a random 50% of our DNA from each parent, entire races can eventually fall out of our DNA. In fact, if my mother hadn’t told her old boyfriend, right in front of me, that I was his child, I might never have doubted that my dad was…. my dad!

My dad and I had a rough history, though. Almost as rough as the history I have had with my mom. He died 31 years ago this month, on January 16, 1988. Prior to his death, I had not seen him or talked to him in over eight years. And the last time I saw him alive, way back when I was in my twenties — it wasn’t a good visit.

My emotions, since learning the true identity of my biological father, have been mixed. It’s a relief to finally KNOW. And the truth is that I really did love my daddy, even with all the drama, the trauma, and the occasional abuse. He was my dad, and even with his diagnosed multiple personality disorder, at times he was a very good father and I loved him.

But there were all the things that happened when different personalities took over, things that were absolutely devastating. So yeah, my emotions have been mixed.

And yet, it’s been wonderful, emailing back and forth with my dad’s half sister. She was born two days after me. When we were children, we were more like sisters than aunt and niece. (Back then, she hated being two days younger than me. She used to say: “I am your aunt, I should be older!”)

When my parents’ crazy, violent marriage finally ended, I lost touch with that side of the family. My dad’s little sister and I were twelve years old when her brother and my mother divorced. This was more than half a century ago, so we’ve had a lot of catching up to do. It’s been great, though. I really like the person she grew up to be!

A few days after my half-aunt and I connected through 23andMe, she told me that her late mother, my paternal grandmother, had saved a lot of things from my dad’s childhood: cards he had sent her, artwork he made as a child, school papers that he had written, and even some of his report cards. “I never knew what to do with these things, but I couldn’t bear to throw them out. Would you want me to mail them to you?” she asked.

I told her I would LOVE that! So, about three weeks ago, shortly after Christmas, the box that you see in the picture at the top of this post, arrived on my doorstep.

And I am still trying to work up the courage to open it…..

32 thoughts on “Finding My Father: Part 2”

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote January 30, 2019 / 4:36 pm

      Thank you for leaving this link to your excellent post, Amy! I am now following your blog. 😊

      Like

      • Amy Blount January 30, 2019 / 4:38 pm

        Thanks for following me. Crazy how similar the experience is. God is awesome and cares for us when our earthly parents can’t or won’t

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Amy Blount January 30, 2019 / 4:14 pm

    https://wp.me/p9QcwC-l7 these two links are what I wrote that have some similar situations as what you wrote about. Thought you’d like to know you’re not alone. God bless

    Liked by 1 person

  4. hawk2017 January 30, 2019 / 4:18 pm

    You will in time. In prayer. :))

    Liked by 1 person

      • hawk2017 January 30, 2019 / 4:38 pm

        I prayed is what I meant. But I am glad you are praying too. Some times I type in shorthand. :))

        Liked by 1 person

        • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote January 30, 2019 / 4:48 pm

          Hahaha, I do that, too, type in shorthand. Or a secret code. I’ve already had to make several corrections to this post.

          I really appreciate your prayer, so much!

          Liked by 2 people

  5. Pingback: Finding My Father: Part 1 – A Blog About Healing From PTSD
  6. Crissy January 30, 2019 / 6:53 pm

    God is so good . Now you can have peace of mind knowing who your real dad was. And cherish the beautiful memories over the painful ones . I may be wrong but I think the content in the box may help your healing process . May the peace and love of our Heavenly Father enfold you like never before .

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Little Shepherd Girl January 30, 2019 / 9:01 pm

    Much love to you. So many secrets were kept from me about my parents as well. I am happy for you that you at least have some answers now. Remember – even if in life relatives were abusive or mentally ill, there is always a truer, healed version or “soul” self of them that I believe we meet (or re-meet?) outside of time in Heaven.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote January 30, 2019 / 10:56 pm

      Oh yes, this is my hope and my prayer: that in heaven, I will meet my father and my mother, as God intended us to be — “without spot or wrinkle.”

      Much love to you, too! 💘💘

      Like

  8. @PreacherBiker January 30, 2019 / 11:19 pm

    Whenever you want I am there for you my love

    Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Device

    Liked by 1 person

  9. atimetoshare.me January 31, 2019 / 6:35 am

    Open the box! You may see a completely different side of your Dad. God engineered this whole situation for a purpose❤️

    Liked by 2 people

      • atimetoshare.me January 31, 2019 / 8:03 am

        Please let me know. I love packages with surprises in them.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote January 31, 2019 / 8:08 am

          I will let you know! I feel ready to open it now, after all these encouraging comments. But I have to get ready for a medical appointment, so… maybe later today!

          Liked by 1 person

          • atimetoshare.me February 2, 2019 / 9:24 am

            Did you open the box?

            Liked by 1 person

            • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote February 2, 2019 / 10:36 am

              Not yet. I don’t want to open it without my husband sitting beside me, but he has been very sick lately. He was able to see his VA doctor today, even though today is Saturday. His doctor put him on a 10 day course of Amoxicillin and told him to get lots of rest. So… soon, he should be up to it. If not, then I will open it when his daughter is here. She is a great blessing and support for both of us.

              Liked by 1 person

              • atimetoshare.me February 2, 2019 / 10:53 am

                I hope your hubby recovers soon. Glad he was able to get medical attention. I will pray for all of you, but hope you don’t put it off too long. The contents could hold healing for you.

                Liked by 1 person

  10. ibikenyc February 2, 2019 / 2:13 pm

    Hope your honey is well soon.

    I’m looking forward to hearing about what’s in your surprise box (if, of course, you feel like telling us). I completely understand that feeling of wanting to know but needing to wait. I hope it’s all wonderful!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. bornagain732 February 12, 2019 / 5:11 pm

    I am sorry I missed reading this! This must’ve been about the time that my granddaughter was born on the 27th and I wasn’t on word press much! I find this all very fascinating! 🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote February 12, 2019 / 6:31 pm

      Grandchildren coming into the world have a wonderful way of turning your world upside down for awhile. 😊

      I need to write my final part 3. I meant to have it done by now, but so much has been going on here lately. I’m glad you are following. God bless!

      Liked by 1 person

      • bornagain732 February 13, 2019 / 1:55 pm

        When the time is right you will have it done 🙏🏻❤️

        Liked by 1 person

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