Handling People Who Don’t Believe You

I have experienced all of the various types of invalidation that Cynthia talks about in this post, and I agree wholeheartedly with everything she says on this topic.

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Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author

So many people I talk to that have survived narcissistic abuse tell the same story about how people in their lives responded to them discussing the abuse.  They were met with invalidation (“It couldn’t have been that bad!”  “Other people had it way worse than you did.”), scolding (“How can you say those things about your own mother?!”), disbelief or being accused of being unforgiving or needing to “get over it”.

Especially in the early days of awareness of narcissism & learning what you went through really is abuse- you aren’t crazy or to blame like you were told- this sort of behavior is devastating.  The more you heal, the better you can handle it, but I don’t think it ever stops hurting at least some to be met with such indifference to your pain.  It can leave you bitter & angry if you allow it to.

In all fairness…

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This “Narcissistic Friday” post by Pastor Dave Orrison is a timely post for me! Four days ago I had surgery to remove and biopsy a cyst. Before, during, and after the procedure, I was the center of attention of about a half dozen people. Probably because I had stopped breathing during a prior surgical procedure less than two months ago, everyone seemed ultra focused on taking the best possible care of me.

I actually felt guilty for being the focus of so many people for such a long time! I really did! Even though I am a former nurse myself, so I fully understood that it was their job to take care of me, I felt like I was doing something wrong. Despite all my healing from narcissistic abuse, that’s how pervasive the brainwashing of a malignant personality can be. Having surgery, and feeling guilty for taking up everyone’s time!

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Grace for my Heart

It’s Narcissist Friday!     

When did it become wrong for us to consider our own needs? If you ask some people, taking care of ourselves is simple selfishness. We should focus on taking care of others, they say. Don’t worry about yourself, they say. God will take care of you. You just take care of others.

But if I can trust God to take care of me, can’t I trust God to take care of others? Why does God need me to take care of others if He is great enough to take care of me?

Yes, I believe God takes care of me. I also believe He takes care of others… and doesn’t need me to do it. Instead, He blesses me when He uses me to bless others. He allows me to participate in His work. There is joy and blessing in that kind of service, when…

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