Right now my husband and his son are driving out of state to attend my husband’s granddaughter’s wedding. My stepson is the father of the bride. Due to a lot of hard feelings since his divorce, he is very nervous about how he will be treated.
There has been wrong on both sides, as there usually is in situations like this. Still, we love our kids unconditionally, and as his stepmom I wanted to be there for him to show my moral support, alongside my husband.
I was planning to go. I bought a pretty new dress and was trying very hard to look forward to the occasion. But two days ago I got sick. I’m feeling a little better now, but I’m still not up to going anywhere and being around people. So I stayed home.
It feels like a sinus infection. But whatever it is, I believe my sickness was probably caused by Post Traumatic Stress. Not because of the anticipated tension at the wedding, although that may be a small part of it, but because of where this wedding is taking place.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS that the man I met and married here in New Mexico, more than eight hundred miles away from the area where I grew up, would have grandchildren living in the same town where the worst of my childhood traumas took place?
We were there two years ago, my husband and I, for the high school graduation of another one of his granddaughters. I had not anticipated how emotionally difficult it would be to return to that area, but it was really, REALLY hard…. especially when I realized that my husband had unwittingly booked us into a motel located just one block away from the house where my mother tried to gas us all to death when I was twelve years old. You could actually see the back yard of our old house from the motel!
Although my husband assured me that this time he was making reservations in a different part of town, I still dreaded going back to that area again. But I was determined to do it anyway, for the sake of my husband and especially for his worried son.
Then my body said “NO!” Now I feel a little guilty for staying home, but mostly I feel relieved. As much as we women like to think we are supermoms, the truth is that we all have our limits.
In less than two weeks we have another wedding to go to, in another state. This time my chaplain husband will be officiating. I am looking forward to the occasion, and to wearing my pretty new dress.
Thanks for stopping by, and God bless. ❤ ❤