Protecting Yourself


If — like me — you have been wounded by narcissistic abuse in the past, how do you protect yourself from anything like that ever happening again? Pastor Dave Orrison has some advice I believe is spot on: he says your identity is key.

Quoting from Pastor Dave’s latest “Narcissistic Friday” post:
“…narcissists depend on our needs, our fears, and our vulnerability.  If we come into the relationship, whether it is at work, at church, or dating, content in who we are, the narcissist has nothing to use against us.  Emotional and spiritual health lie in an accurate and confident understanding of who we are.”

Please click on the link below and read this very excellent post in its entirety. If you wish to comment, I think it would be best to show your appreciation to the author by leaving your comments on his site. However, I am interested in reading your thoughts here too, so maybe you can copy and paste your comment in both places? But if that’s too much of a hassle, please just leave your comment for Pastor Dave on his Grace For my Heart blog.

Thank you and God bless!

Grace for my Heart

It’s Narcissist Friday!   

Okay, so I know that I have stumbled into narcissistic relationships and have suffered for it.  How do I avoid this in the future?  Is there a way to protect myself from narcissists?

Good and strong people still find themselves to be the targets of narcissistic manipulation and/or rage from time to time, but there may be a way to keep your relationships narcissist-free.  So while narcissists may attack you or try to use you, you may be able to protect yourself against the soul-eating relationships you have suffered before.  In fact, you may also be able to make yourself less susceptible to narcissistic manipulation in the relationships you have now.

The key is identity.  Who are you?  Are you willing to find security and strength in who you are?

You see, in our minds (and in the minds of others), we suffer from identity confusion. …

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7 thoughts on “Protecting Yourself

  1. jncthedc April 2, 2016 / 8:31 am

    I believe the world is both naive and intentionally “blind” to these realities. When our population becomes “saturated” with this important information, awareness will no longer be a major problem. The next phase is public “involvement!” Great post.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. gigoid April 5, 2016 / 5:09 pm

    I’ve suffered from ptsd for many years, (30+), due to working in a violent job for a long time. One of the things I’ve found to be true supports what the quote above, and pastor Dave’s concepts have related. It is an ancient piece of wisdom, which, if embraced, can help us to do exactly what he describes, becoming confident and whole, as a result of self-knowledge… It was said by Epictetus, to wit:

    “The key to happiness and freedom lies in a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not.”

    This sort of inner-directed vision is also part of the answer, for all the answers we really need are already there, in our own center of balance.

    gigoid, the dubious

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lady Quixote/Linda Lee April 5, 2016 / 5:26 pm

      “The key to happiness and freedom lies in a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not.” This made me smile. Thanks, I needed a smile right now. One of the things that is not within my control is the behavior of my husband. And (ahem) vice versa. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • gigoid April 5, 2016 / 5:42 pm

        Hmm… sounds familiar, if you switch adjectives around. I was married to a narcissist for 23 years (I’m stubborn).

        I will say this on that: you cannot control him (and why would you want to?); you can control your reaction to his asininity, and, quite simply.

        I have another blogging friend with a husband who is a narcissistic type, always denigrating her. I gave her this advice: every time he insults you, or says something derogatory, in your mind, alter one or two words to make it ridiculous, such as “You’re an idiot”, changing it, in your mind, to “I’m an idiot”, picturing the words coming out of his mouth. This can help you control your reaction, and, give you a small smile in the bargain, guaranteed to confuse him, and piss him off, without saying a word.

        She says it helps a lot, and it gives her the controls….

        Hope it works for you, too. Assholes don’t deserve to be listened to….

        & you may tell him I said so.

        gigoid, the dubious

        Liked by 1 person

        • Lady Quixote/Linda Lee April 5, 2016 / 6:01 pm

          LOL, I like your advice.

          In the few minutes since I posted my reply to your earlier comment, my husband came and apologized for being a grump. I forgave him. Then I sort of apologized for being a grump in return… hmm, I may have to redo my apology. Uhm, a bit later.

          I spent quite a few years married to an abusive malignant narcissist, so I know how horrible that is. The husband I have now — we met and married when we were both in our early 50s, going on 13 years ago. He is a good man and we get along great 90% of the time.

          The problem today is that it is in the upper 80s here, and we were trying to replace the burned out air conditioner motor on our RV that my husband’s daughter is currently living in, and… sigh… we do not work well together at all, my hubby and me. Which is ironic, considering that we met at work.

          So now we are okay again and my stepdaughter just got home from work, so she will help her daddy with the ac motor. Or he will help her, is more like it. As for me, I have taken our little rescue poodle and retired to the bedroom to play on my computer.

          Liked by 1 person

          • gigoid April 5, 2016 / 6:06 pm

            Good for you, and him. Distance always works, in moderation, when necessary.

            Me, I’m enjoying my solitude, most of the time….



            Have fun…


            Liked by 1 person

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